This post will have such a different tone than my last one! In my last post, I had just returned from Miami with Mike, and Christmas vacation was just beginning! But now it's long since finished, and I'm back at work (as much as I can be; I'm starting to get called in often, but perhaps not as often as I would like) and my lovely husband is back on tour and I miss him so much, it's awful. The loneliness is crippling. I found it so much harder to part ways this time around for a number of reasons. Well, on the bright side, at least I'll be seeing him again in just under one month's time, in Calgary. Maybe not the most exotic of places (haha!), but still, it's a place I've never been to. I've never been to Alberta, period! And this is part of my own country this time. Good ole Canada. It'll do me some good to see more of it. In the meantime: working whenever I can! I just wish it were more steady work...
Well, I love my life overall and I'd say that generally I'm certainly a happy person. I'm just going through a time in my life that's quite rough. I know it'll pass but the interim is just so miserable. Being so lonely while I'm so anxious about every little cold or flu symptom I get (as one might imagine, at this time of year, can be quite common), just makes the anxiety inflate about tenfold. And with the ballooning anxiety stems the incapacity to think properly, which is only feuled further by "chemo brain", something a lot of people don't understand. The combined result is just such a toxic mixture of the most frustrating melancholy, something I could maybe attempt to begin putting into words, but only when sleeping pills haven't already been scrambling my brain to such an intense degree.
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