Let's get high

Every little thing my body does induces panic. I haven't gotten used to living like this yet. Apparently you get used to it eventually. Either that or your cancer comes back. It's one or the other, right? :P

I'm depressed. My husband left for a 8-month contract abroad. I had 3.5 hours of sleep and I've felt like a zombie all the day. I went out and the heat made me feel queasy. I have AC (SO grateful for that!), but going out makes me feel UGH. Plus, I was watching a show I really like that is generally light-hearted, except one of the characters on the show has cancer, and on the episode I watched tonight she was told her chemo stopped working so that made me feel blaaaaaaaaahhhhh.

Also, seeing a photo of a chemo machine made me think of mine and I remember the BEEP BEEP BEEP, I can never ever forget the BEEP BEEP BEEP that it made; it's forever STUCK IN MY BRAIN.

I feel like getting high. I took Gravol, but I don't think it's giving me enough of a 'kick', maybe I should toss some Zopiclone in with that. I need to be buzzed, get away from my brain for awhile. Heh, popping pills is the 'fashionable' way to get high these days, isn't it?

TL;DR: fuck cancer.