Let's get high

Every little thing my body does induces panic. I haven't gotten used to living like this yet. Apparently you get used to it eventually. Either that or your cancer comes back. It's one or the other, right? :P

I'm depressed. My husband left for a 8-month contract abroad. I had 3.5 hours of sleep and I've felt like a zombie all the day. I went out and the heat made me feel queasy. I have AC (SO grateful for that!), but going out makes me feel UGH. Plus, I was watching a show I really like that is generally light-hearted, except one of the characters on the show has cancer, and on the episode I watched tonight she was told her chemo stopped working so that made me feel blaaaaaaaaahhhhh.

Also, seeing a photo of a chemo machine made me think of mine and I remember the BEEP BEEP BEEP, I can never ever forget the BEEP BEEP BEEP that it made; it's forever STUCK IN MY BRAIN.

I feel like getting high. I took Gravol, but I don't think it's giving me enough of a 'kick', maybe I should toss some Zopiclone in with that. I need to be buzzed, get away from my brain for awhile. Heh, popping pills is the 'fashionable' way to get high these days, isn't it?

TL;DR: fuck cancer.

*_*

I don't think people understand, even though I've been in remission for awhile, I still get tired. All the time. Very easily. My body just isn't the same anymore!

Someone else with leukemia

When I was diagnosed, everyone came to me and said I could come to them if I ever needed anything. Well, now I need something. I need you to share this information and spread the word of Mai Duong. 

Who is Mai Duong? She's a year older than me, and she also has acute leukemia, diagnosed at the same time as mine. Like me, also went into full remission. She just relapsed. She needs a stem cell transplant NOW. But seeing as she's Vietnamese, finding one is close to impossible as less than 1% of all donors are Vietnamese, and Vietnam (as in the country itself) doesn't even have a registry. But she needs stem cells! Please pass this info on and make sure all the Vietnamese get their swabs sent into to HEMA-Quebec (or wherever) so she can get a transplant. 

In English: 

In French: 

Here's the link to the Save Mai Duong Facebook page: 

http://www.facebook.com/savemaiduong

If you want to help me out in any way, you'll pass on that info for me. PLEASE. Please & thank-you. <3 <3 <3 

Performance anxiety

I have so many thoughts that go through my head at night when I'm not asleep, when I can't sleep. But when I come here to write I find I am unable to express many of them, if not most.