It's remembering all the inside jokes that's the hardest. Not reminiscing about them, but remembering them and thinking how I'll go quote them to my mom...and then realizing I have no one to quote them to. The inside jokes will have to stay inside my head forever now. I can try to explain them to people, but there's no point, really. I just have to keep them to myself, and that sucks. That really, really sucks.
On Twitter just now, I came across something my mom & I used to quote often, framed as a really funny joke, and for the first time in awhile, actually forgot--I actually went to copy/paste it to send to her--and then I was like, "What am I doing?"
I'm doing better these days in general but then there's moments (or entire days) where everything just feels awful and I don't feel like deriving joy from anything the world has to offer, because she no longer can, so it isn't fair.
Wednesday, 30 May 2018
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)
-
I got a new mouth ulcer last week and FUCK does it hurt. Today the pain was just unbearable but as I'm neutropenic, the nurses can't...
-
I can’t tell you how I feel when someone famous and/or someone I admire announces they have OCD. It’s such a unique type of hell. It’s alway... -
Oh FFS, my doctor just spent 30 minutes listing all the horrible, horrible ways a transplant can kill me and how the first year post-transpl...