Halloween 2015!

Happy Halloween! I woke up on Halloween, pretty much my favourite day of the year, sick with a very bad cold! So I couldn't go out to celebrate. I had to stay home, which really sucked. On the bright side, I got to eat snacks and watch cartoons in my pajamas. I pretty much do that every day anyway, but it was still not too bad. I also studied some Japanese, so that was really good. It also didn't hurt that I spent the evening on a nice Tylenol PM buzz. Now that's not something I can do every day. ;) 

As for my costume, I was going to wear a kigurumi anyway, so I actually wore that for part of the night, as they're pretty much (just like really cute & decorative) pajamas anyway. I got it at FanExpo in September and I actually hadn't gotten a chance to wear it yet. Budgie! 

Today I'm still sick, but by the time it became evening, after being cooped up all day in this dark apartment (it's a basement and we get absolutely no sunlight at all in here),  I just HAD to go for a walk! As per usual lately, I discovered new streets and little neighbourhoods that I've never seen before. Well, I've only been here two months, and this city is sooooo extremely huge, so I guess that's normal! It's so exciting. I wandered down a huge alley that was 3-4 blocks long & decorated so cutely. (It reminded me a bit of Osaka!) It was so serene: just me, the alleyway, Please Save My Earth on my earphones, the city lights above...I felt so cozy & creatively-inspired. I'm really, really, really loving exploring this city, it's really hard to put it into words...

Tales of Teaching, Tutoring, Toronto, & Trudeau

Toronto continues to be awesome. Employment, for me, not so much; I have a few hours a week teaching & tutoring (and I just got a couple of hours added, yay!), but it's nowhere near enough to pay the rent. Luckily Mike is making about 8 times what I make. Oh well. I just went for an interview in the wilds of Etobicoke, which despite its vastly different terrain, isn't that far to get to by public transit. I have a follow-up interview on Tuesday, so we'll see how that goes.

My dear sweet country has a new Prime Minister, so change is in the air. Although I didn't vote for Trudeau, and I am skeptical about him, I have to admit I'm starting to warm up to the guy. For many different reasons. Oh and hey. Did you know he's changing the law so that gay people can now donate blood? Oh wow. So all you assholes who refused to donate blood under the deeply misguided ~plan~ that it was some kind of "protest" against this old act, guess what? You can get your slacktavist asses off the couch and go give blood now. Though who am I kidding, you'll just find another excuse to not give blood. You clearly don't want to help us cancer patients for real. Although you'll claim that you do, because I've seen you folks change your profile pics on Facebook to comic book heroes to "raise awareness for childhood cancers" even though that doesn't mean a thing. You know what DOES mean something? Making a difference. You know what makes a difference? Donating blood or money to a cause. If you're not interested in helping out a cause, that's seriously, genuinely fine; we've all got lives to live, and there's so many causes out there, how do we choose which one to help? But don't say you actually care, and then pull this shit. Changing your profile pic, the most useless and lazy thing ever, but refusing to donate a penny or a drop of blood ~on principle~. Fuck you, seriously. I've defriended people over this, and it's better this way. Protesting by refusing to give blood. What kind of piece of shit do you have to be, to pull such a thing? There's so many ways to protest the harmful, homophobic act of banning gay people from donating blood, but doing so by refusing to donate blood? An act which only hurts innocent people? That's gotta be the most disturbing, disgusting, low-life thing I've heard in a long time.

Haha, this turned into a rant. And, true story: this is the edited, nice version of how I feel!

FanExpo!

Finally getting around to making that FanExpo post!

Well, Mike and I worked there for 4 days, and I had an amazing time. Because we worked there, we got to attend the Expo for free, so we totally explored like crazy on our breaks or if we finished early. It was so much fun. We wouldn't have gotten to go otherwise. The first thing I noticed is how incredibly MASSIVE it is! First of all, there were 2 buildings; the North Building and the South Building. We worked in the South Building. But even within each Building, there were multiple floors. And on each floor, multiple rooms. I was overwhelmed! In Montreal, all cons and expos are shoved into one room, even the big ones. I had never been to anything of this magnitude before. Right away I got a taste of just how BIG Toronto does...well, everything!

I love cons and expos in general, to say nothing of fandom-focused ones. To be surrounded by like-minded people--many of them in amazing cosplay of characters I just adore--it's just such a fantastic feeling. You can really feel the energy and passion coming off everyone! I found everybody so incredibly friendly and approachable, and I spoke to so many super awesome people. And the costumes. Oh, the costumes! Such terrific cosplay. There were hundreds upon hundreds of Jokers, Harley Quinns, Doctors, and Spidermans, and quite a few Links, Sailor Moons, zombies, and Jedi, but there were also tons of rarer, more unique costumes--Anthy from Utena! Misato from Evangelion! I did a fistbump with an incredibly accurate Bayamax from Big Hero 6, and chatted up an Advent Children-style Tifa and Cloud. Ah, there's so many I'm forgetting! But it was amazing. I'm including the super common costumes in the category of "amazing", of course. It doesn't matter how many other people cosplay the same character as you--just the fact you're dressing up and going out there in costume (and sometimes in character, too!) is beyond lovely, to me. I love it. I love these people.

And the booths! So many exciting things to see. I got to finally buy my first kigurumi! From a company from Montreal, ironically. I've been wanting to buy from them for awhile. I bought a budgie kigu. I know what I'm being for Halloween! ;) And the art booths...so wonderful. I love seeing fans' artwork. I talked to so many cool people and saw so many wonderful things. Amazing portraits of Zelda boss battles. Family Guy and old-school Simpsons coin purses. Cat capes. Nintendo-themed cutting boards (one was a giant question mark block!). Actual moving mechanical animals. And EarthBound. I found people who did EarthBound art! And while I have a special fondness for the art booths (I think it's called Artists' Alley?...hmm, more like Artists' Gymnasium, with the amount of space they take up, with all their awesome stuff), I loved seeing all the gaming and movie-themed booths as well.

On the last day of the Expo, we didn't start til much later, so we went to the North Building, where all the autograph signings and photo ops were. I saw Rupert Grint from a distance and got awfully excited! Can you see him in the picture? I'd be amazed if you could. ;)

Everyone was crowding around the booth I was at with their phones, trying to get a pic of him. The bathrooms on this floor were right in between some of the booths, so when I left the bathroom, I walked right past Neve Cambell! It was really weird, but cool. She looks exactly the same as she did back in the day! I loved the Scream movies. And who could forget Catwalk?

Anyway, Mike and I went to see Jeri Ryan as we are HUGE fans; we are both WAY into Voyager (we both consider it our favourite Star Trek series, actually--yeah, I know, bring on the hate! lol), and Seven of Nine happens to be our favourite character. So we went to her photo op! It was really exciting. She is even more beautiful in real life than she is on TV! She told Mike she liked his hair which I couldn't stop giggling about after. It was a really great moment, I'm so glad we went! Also, Chandler Riggs walked by me when I was waiting in line, so that was pretty neat, too.

Yeah, there's a flash on it; taking a photo of a photo is kind of difficult. ;)

The North Building had so much cool stuff that the South Building didn't have; in addition to the autographs and photo ops, the shops and booths were quite different, and there was a lot of Doctor Who stuff set up, which I'd have taken a picture with if I hadn't done so already at ComicCon in Montreal back in 2013. I also found Sailor Moon's wand! ;)

By far the coolest shop in the North Building though was this little kiosk that sold genuine, legit retro items from the 1980s (and older)! I saw so many things from my childhood, it was amazing. And I do mean actually from the 1980s; not modern-made hip nostalgia stuff. Actual stuff from 30+ years ago.
I had this exact E.T. when I was little. I couldn't believe my eyes! And check out that Pac-Man. Whaat! o__O

Look at all this stuff. Up near the top toward the middle is something called a Keyper (the white creature with a purple shell and blue hair that kinda looks My Little Pony-ish. If you follow that creepy doll's gaze, it's kinda looking in the Keyper's direction). I used to have one of those.

They even had a Polkaroo! How Canadian can you get?

I am really happy and grateful we got the opportunity to work at FanExpo. I was on a high the entire time I was there. All this cosplay makes me want to dress up really badly, and I guess the timing is perfect for that--just a few weeks until Halloween! Ooh, my first Halloween in Toronto. I can't wait!I gotta find where the Rocky Horror Picture Show is...

Torontolicious Tales

So we're settled into our new place in Toronto, in a nice neighbourhood called the Annex. It's really close to downtown, and as I discovered today, about 10-minute walk from Yorkville. If you're familiar with Toronto, you know where that is. If you're not, Yorkville is a really posh part of town with cutesy expensive-for-no-reason shops and cafes, bars, very visually appealing super narrow walkways, and a snobby suburban feel that I get such a kick out of, as you walk another 5 minutes and boom! You're on Bloor street, near Bay and Yonge, which is skyscraper central.

Toronto is such a diverse mix of non-stop forever moving busy-for-the-sake-of-busy utter lunacy. I can definitely understand why someone wouldn't want to live here; big cities are not for everyone. I dared to hesitate for maybe half a second at a major transfer subway station one day and nearly got trampled. But I adapt quickly to picking up a city's vibe because I love. Big. Cities. I live for this stuff. I've always wanted to live in a big city ever since I was a small child, and growing up in Montreal, I always felt fortunate to at least live in a proper city (and a really awesome one at that!), even though it wasn't a very big one. I've always wanted to live in one of those skyscraper-laden labyrinthine concrete mini-universes that have buildings that disappear into the horizon, perhaps serving as our generation's precursor to a Blade Runner LA type deal, or even Coruscant. I can't foresee myself living in Shanghai (yet), and Tokyo's off the table for the time being, but for now, places like New York and Toronto will most certainly do.

I can't wait to explore more of it and see what this city has to offer. So far it's been beyond great. I feel like I belong here, and today I said as much to Mike. It's so weird. I've never felt that way before. As much as I love Montreal, I am so glad to leave it as Mike and I both have such wanderlust and just can't stay put. I feel finally moving at 34 is so late in life to be doing so, although for what it's worth we would have moved two years ago if it weren't for my cancer. But still, a lot of people get up and move when they're in their late teens or early 20s and here we are, mid-30s and finally changing up cities for the first time? Ha! Well, certainly better late than never, and that's an understatement. This feeling is incredible. It's like I've been wearing the same jacket or sweater for forever because I love it so much and I'm so comfortable in it and it's grown to fit me just right after all this time, stretching out to my shape. But it's starting to fray at the ends and the colours are fading and suddenly I buy a new jacket and of course it'll never replace my old original jacket, not my jacket I grew up with, with all its sentimental value, but wow, does it ever feel amazing to have a brand new jacket to wear that isn't all tattered, that I haven't worn 8 billion times. I didn't realize how tired I was of wearing the old one til I tried on something brand new, new and fresh which I can style in so many different ways I never even imagined. It's so new and shiny and sparkly, I feel so rejuvenated in a new outfit. I realize it's finally time to move on and try something new, something different.

 ...I don't know, maybe this is a terrible comparison. But it's what popped into my head first. I'll have to think of something better to help describe how I feel about changing cities and starting a new life here. But suffice is to say, so far I love it so much. I have so much exploring to do. I didn't do too much of that yet as pretty much as soon as we got here, we started working a little gig at FanExpo, which I mentioned in my last post. Now THAT was quite the experience! A post about that shall be next. :)

Living in a labyrinth of boxes

Ah, moving is so stressful! I'm actually glad that my husband is currently away on tour, because I have no idea how we'd have room for the two of us in our extremely cramped apartment right now. With all these boxes, there's barely any room for me! I'm actually getting so used to walking like a ninja (or maybe more like a crab), I presently can't even fathom what it's like to live in a place where you can just walk around at will.

Right now I'm at one of the more difficult part of packing--going through my teaching stuff! Seriously, I could open my own school with the amount of stuff I have. I have to get rid of most of it though, because I just can't keep it all. Too expensive to move, and I have most of it digitally anyway. A bit of a shame as I'll have to make the photocopies all over again, but really, what can ya do!

I can't wait til we're all settled in. Apparently Mike got us a gig working at Fan Expo or Comic Expo or SOME kind of geeky expo for the first few days we're there. How random is that! We only get paid for half of it, but hey, some money is better than no money.

Decisions, regret, and moving on

Just came back from Toronto/Trawnna/T-dot/Hogtown/whatever you wish to call it.

Lease is signed! We got the first place we applied to, which wasn't our first choice, but definitely not our last, either. It was definitely high on our list, which is good. We would've been much happier about it if wasn't for the last place we saw, which was AMAZING; definitely too good to be true. In fact, so good that if I had seen photos of it online, I'd think it was a scam for sure. Yet there were inside of it, going through it with our own bodies, looking at it with our own eyes. It was so big it was practically a HOUSE. I'm not even kidding. It was two levels; it had an upstairs and a downstairs, and it was roughly the same price as the other apartments we had been looking at, although it had no utilities included. But it'd be worth the cost. The place was freakin' amazing. Never in all my years of apartment hunting had I ever seen a place like that. And it was in a fantastic part of town--Cabbagetown! My favourite part of Toronto, actually. We were looking around it in awe, not being able to believe our find, and the guy wasn't even done showing us every nook and cranny, when we asked "so, can we apply?" We were so enamored by the place. He had gone to his car to get the application when Mike got a call on his cell from the first place we had applied to. I was actually hoping she would say we didn't get the apartment; that's how amazing this place was. But she told us we got it. I was actually surprised when Mike waved at me and told me to tell the guy never mind about the application; I thought maybe he'd want to take a chance and apply anyway. But I also realized that wasn't a great idea, as we would lose our deposit on the first apartment. And what if we didn't get this place? Then we'd be stuck with no apartment at all, and it was our last day before we had to leave Toronto. (Seriously, we were starting to panic.) The guy seemed surprised, and asked what I thought of the other apartment compared to this one. I told him I liked this place much better, and he said "take this one, then!" and I told him we couldn't. As Mike and I walked away from that wonderland, we talked about how happy we were that we no longer had to search for an apartment, but then we started to wonder if we really made the right decision. I mean, that place was beautiful. Beyond beautiful. I've never seen anything like it. It's the type of place that if anyone saw it, they'd say "you'd be CRAZY not to take it." Especially compared to the place we got; our place was genuinely, truly half the size. It could fit on *one* of the floors, and believe me, that is not even a slight exaggeration. And it's so dark and cavernous (it's a basement) and not big and beautiful and house-like. It's like turning down a fancy sushi dinner for McDonald's.

We went back to the Air BnB not feeling that great; instead of celebrating, we were just kind of depressed about the whole thing. If only she had called to tell us we were approved like a half hour earlier; then we never would've seen this apartment, and we'd never know what we were missing! And it's not like we wouldn't have gotten it if we HAD applied; our credit is fine, he already knew our job situation, and he hadn't said anyone else had applied. But we had just panicked, we didn't want to risk not having any apartment at all! After sleeping on it, we didn't feel any better. I just felt worse. I've been apartment hunting quite a few times in my life, and there's always that amazing apartment you don't get, and it sucks, and you're disappointed, and you remember it, but you get over it. But this wasn't like that. It wasn't a great place we tried for and didn't get. It was a great place we turned down in the spur of the moment. Had it been a place we were rejected for, we'd talk about it and be like "remember that awesome place we didn't get? ahhh", and then get on with our day. But this was a choice we made ourselves. And it felt like it was the wrong one.

I've made some mistakes, and some decisions I regret making, but usually I'm pretty good at bouncing back; I'll understand it's a mistake and these things happen. I know this sounds corny, but I'll seriously usually see it as a learning opportunity. But this time, this one time, I couldn't. All I could think was, what the hell did we just do?

Then Mike had to leave for Newfoundland to start rehearsals for his new contract, and I had to spend the last day in Toronto on my own, so the weight and regret of our decision just weighed down on me so much more. I really felt like garbage. I was shocked at my reaction to the whole situation; I understand regretting a decision, but I felt absolute disgust with myself. I spent most of the day just lying on the couch. I felt so horrified with myself that I actually looked in the thesaurus for a word to describe how I was feeling. But I couldn't find anything better than remorse and disgust, really.

The next day I had to go back to Montreal, and I was already starting to feel a bit better. By the time I got back here I felt even better, and the next day I felt a LOT better. Now I'm feeling much better about the decision in general. The Awesome Amazing Cabbagetown Palace   other apartment was $100 more a month, which doesn't sound like much, but would've added up quickly. Plus, hydro wasn't included (it's included at the place we got). To say that also would've added up quickly is an understatement. Not to mention the bills would probably be insane to heat a place that size. Also, we would have lost our deposit at this place, so we'd already be out a few hundred just to begin with, when we're already pretty freakin' poor and moving to this really expensive city with no jobs to begin with.

Also, I'm feeling better about our reaction in general. I mean, all apartment applications require (rather hefty) deposits in Toronto. (Yeah, it's illegal, but everyone does it. What can you do?) As such, we can only apply to one place at once. When it comes down to the last freakin' day we're there and we have to leave the province the next day, and we're worried we're not going to have a place to live, it's not unreasonable to turn down all other appointments and places we're looking at as soon as the place we've applied to FINALLY calls us to tell us we got the apartment, especially in the heat of the moment. Plus, we've been so meticulous and careful about all our apartment searching, being picky about so many things, thoroughly checking all the places for things like bed bugs, etc, so it's not like we've been doing this in a careless manner. So, I'm much more okay with this now (or at least, I've convinced myself that I am). It would have been nice to get the beautiful house-like place, but at least we have a place to live, and at least it's a place that we actually wanted; we were so close to having to leave, and getting so desperate, that we were really about to start lowering our standards in terms of where to apply to--not in cleanliness, but in terms of distance and size. The place we got is in a super awesome neighbourhood; the Annex! VERY close to downtown, which is what we wanted, and I honestly didn't think we'd be able to achieve. Also, we're truly a 2-minute walk from a subway station. I've never lived so close to a subway station in my life! That's pretty amazing.

I'm just not used to feeling regret like that. I'm usually very careful with decisions, and when I make mistakes, I like to think I'm pretty good at accepting them. This time was the first time in a long time I just felt like I couldn't come to terms with what I had done, and I was very surprised with myself; both with my decision, and with how difficult it was to get over it.

Moving jitters

I can't believe I'm leaving my beautiful lovely Montreal! ;_; I know I have to move on and live in different places; no way can I just live in one city all my life. But ahhhh! I can't believe it's happening. It's exciting, but also sad. My feelings ping pong between the two. I was sad for awhile but lately I've been really excited (and equally stressed out cuz ugh, how stressful is moving, amirite?!). But right now I'm just sad. I realize tomorrow morning will be the last 'lazy' morning (well...if you can call it that, as we have a lot to do tomorrow) that Mike and I will have here, as the following morning we'll be off to Toronto to scout out apartments, and while I'll be back in Montreal to finish up packing the week after, Mike won't be as he'll be starting his latest contract. He comes back to Montreal at the end of the month, but only for one day and then we move! This is so crazy. I really, really, really hope our week in Toronto is successful and that we find an apartment. Worst case scenario: if it's the end of the month and we haven't found anything, we'll have to live out of an Air bnb and apartment hunt from there. Really expensive and not remotely favorable but still doable, a (very) temporary solution. I just want to find a place already, I'm sure that'll take a HUGE chunk out of this crazy stress!