It's been 2 weeks to the day that I went to the hospital clinic for blood tests and my oncologist and pivot nurse both told me all is well, everything's as good as it could be, the chemo was extremely successful, I'm no longer neutropenic, and I no longer need my piccline. They removed it right then & there--my oncologist told me to hold my breath and count to 3 and it was out--and then canceled all my upcoming blood test appointments. I don't have to meet with them again until September. I came home on such a high...what fantastic news, and that's an understatement! I didn't update here, as I guess I kind of wanted to distance myself from cancer-related things as much as possible, although that proved to be a little bit difficult as every little pain I get anywhere in my body is an attack of sheer terror, leading me to wonder in a fit of panic I cannot describe OMG IS THE CANCER BACK?!?! I really have to make an appointment with my psychiatrist to figure out how to deal with this fear. I keep saying that I'm going to do that, but I never do. In fact, I could do it right now, stop typing for five seconds and pick up the phone and try to reach him, but I'm not going to do that. I think I know why. I think I simply DO NOT WANT TO SPEND ANY TIME WHATSOEVER IN THE HOSPITAL EVER AGAIN UNLESS I ABSOLUTELY NEED TO. Unless the fear and panic become absolutely unmanageable, which I guess they just might, I am going to hold off calling him for now. And how bad would it be to wait until the anxiety is that bad? Terrible, I guess. But that knowledge doesn't override my deep revolt at the thought of stepping foot in the hospital for any reason. I mean, really. That shold be obvious.
Anyway, in the past two weeks I've been enjoying the summer vacation I've finally received as much as I can. They told me to wait a couple of weeks until I started drinking alcohol, which leads us to...today. So I might have a beer tonight (they told me to start slowly, and to start with beer, as it's got the lowest alcohol content). So we'll see. The bad thing is, my Lupron shot has apparently run out--my hormones seem to be going a bit crazy as I've had menstrual cramps for the past 5 days or so. Lovely. I'm SO not used to this. Luckily, I'm seeing a gynocologist at the hospital (so yeah, gotta set foot in there!) next week, so hopefully they'll give me another shot of Lupron and my uterus will be on its merry way again and I can return to my life.
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