"Let it go, let it go!"

I'm getting so much better at handling colds & the flu and that kind of stuff. I have a pretty bad cold right now and thought I had a fever (but I don't), and anyway overall I'm not too worried about it. I've been through enough colds, etc. by this point that I know not to freak out. Easier said than done, of course, but this time it's doable. :) Also, even though I'm sick and feel icky, I have a lot of energy, sooo...that's very good! I can tell it's gonna be a little tough, going all the way til August without having the reassurance of a blood test, but I can do it!

My subject line is due to the fact I have that song (Let It Go) in my head, but also because I thought it was also pretty fitting for the entry. :) I just watched Frozen tonight for the 4th time in about six or seven weeks, haha. But it was my husband's first time seeing it. I was glad he finally watched it as I love that movie soooo much!

The Fault in our SHUT THE FUCK UP

Stupid cancer movies, blah blah blah! I guess I wouldn't mind the idea of "cancer movies" so much if they weren't ROMANCE. I mean, really. Ohhh, but cancer is just so ~**~tragic & romantic~**~, right? Puhh-lease.

lollll I guess all my cancer rants just go here now.

Not too much going on in life right now except work. Lots of work. I'm sooo eager for summer vacation. And I'm happy to have nothing to report, as no news is good news & all that!

Bloods are good, time goes by

Writing here stresses me out, yet I *want* to keep updating, hence the sporadic updates. My blood counts are good; I just had a blood test on Monday and my oncologist has decided I'm healthy enough to spread my tests further apart. Instead of seeing him every 4-6 weeks now, I'm not seeing him until August 11th! So I'm on my own for the summer. Good news for sure, but very scary at the same time. It's going to be tough adjusting to the new schedule. While I couldn't be happier than I get to spend less time in the that icky place filled with bad memories, on the other hand, I don't get the constant reassurance that things are going well. Which is something I have to learn how to deal with. And it's really hard. On some level, it feels like the longer it's been since the cancer, the worse I feel when I hear about it or think about it. Like, it's harder to hear about cancer-related anything the more times goes by. Does that make any sense? I guess nothing really makes sense with these kinds of things.

My laptop is falling apart, so I'm getting nervous writing in here, in fear that it might crash while I'm in the midst of typing up a post!

Why would you even?

Whether it be on Yahoo!, Facebook, Tumblr, or any kind of website at all, social media-related or otherwise:  fuck anyone who posts stories like "this terminally ill person got to say goodbye to their dog/have their graduation/someone sing to them before they died" NO ONE ANYWHERE NEEDS TO SEE THAT SHIT. I'd never ask to censor news, BUT THAT ISN'T NEWS. IT DOESN'T SERVE ANY PURPOSE WHATSOEVER. I'm on edge enough as it is, anyone who posts/shares these stories/pictures deserves to be set on fire. I'd spit on you if I could. Fuck off & die.

Oof

Hearing bad news about other people's cancer doesn't exactly give me the best motivation and/or hope. :/ I hate hearing bad cancer news, I wish I could reverse it for everyone and make everybody OK and healthy.

That said, I had a good day today! I haven't been feeling well at all this past week and a bit (first a bad cold, then IUD problems) but today I felt fine and my husband and I had a lovely afternoon and evening. I ended up drifting off super early (around 9:30) after drinking a bit of booze, wellll the bad side to that is that I woke up in the middle of the night and couldn't fall back asleep. I woke up in the middle of the night...with cramps! ArGH, stupid IUD! Not sure if the alcohol played a part in that, triggering it or whatever, but I'm sure that would have happened anyway. ANYWAYS. I'm wide-awake now and it's 4:16 AM, blah...ah well, at least I've had a good day.

And I don't usually use this blog to talk about TV shows, but omg The Walking Dead is SO good!

Spring time

I'm so excited that it's spring. The sensations of spring are just so...well, SENSATIONAL to me seeing as I missed out of spring completely last year, so I haven't experienced spring in 2 years. And it's really slow in coming this year, too! It keeps getting cold over and over again, but now it finally seems like spring is here to stay. At first I was so super excited and I'd keep getting disappointed every time it got cold or snowed again, even though I'm used to that happening every spring--this IS Montreal, after all!--of course, this spring means something different to me. But this past week the nice weather has been making me feel anxious and I think I've figured out why. I'm worried about the cancer coming back (as always), and I don't want this wonderful weather to be taken away from me. I'm so excited to finally experience it, and I can't wait for summer so I can finally experience THAT instead of spending half of it in the hospital and half of it being neutropenic--and that makes me more anxious about getting sick again, like...no no, don't let it come back and take all this awesomeness away from me, ya know?

Stupid random memories!

Arrrgh! Sometimes I just have random memories of the hospital and it's just, like, the WORST. Like, just now I had a random memory of being pushed around in a stretcher...not sure what triggered that, it just seemingly popped into my head out of nowhere, and if anything DID trigger it, I've already forgotten what it was. Doesn't help that I'm sort of buzzing on zopiclone right now. Sort of being the key words. I'm not feeling that much of a 'kick' of it at the moment which worries me quite a bit as I'm not that tired and I REALLY need to get some sleep seeing as I work tomorrow and it's already 1:24 AM, ugh....oh well, guess I'll go to bed and hope to doze off, zopiclone can be tricky; sometimes I don't feel sleepy but then my head hits the pillow and next thing I know I'm in weird-wacky dreamland.