My title may sound like the title of a Japanese pop song, but it accurately describes how bitter I've been. Today the weather has been absolutely beautiful where I live (Montreal, Canada)--just full on summer weather. Everyone's out and about and having a good time and I can't join them. I went out onto my balcony to get some fresh air and that made things worse, as I live on busy street so I all I saw were large groups of people giggling and smiling and having a grand old time in the sun, some of them carrying cases of beer, and tons of cyclists were out, too. Whole groups of them. I just sat on my balcony and sulked. What could I do. I'm neutropenic, so I can't be around crowds. It's going to be a long, restless, boring month.
BUT.
I am grateful I get to spend it at home rather than in the hospital, and that is an understatement.
Speaking of the hospital, I gotta be there at 7:45 tomorrow morning for a blood test (and perhaps a transfusion later in the day), and it's 1:39 AM right now. I should probably be getting to bed soon. I took a zopiclone about twenty minutes ago and I already feel it kicking in, so hopefully falling alseep quickly will be the usual sudden smack into darkness it usually is. The danger is sleeping through the alarm, lol. I'm sooo NOT one of those people who sleeps through alarams--EVER--but once zopiclone is invovled? Holy shit. That crap knocks me out goooood. Although once in awhile I'll wake up from it, finding myself talking or ranting in gibberish. That part is kind of scary. Thankfully I stay in my bed and don't sleepwalk or anything. So far. :P
Well, my eyelids are already starting to close, so I guess I should be getting some sleep before waking up super early to get blood removed and then possibly transfused right back in. Oh, and to be interviewed by my psychiatrist's student for his final exam. My psych said I would be the perfect candidate for him to interview, as I've got "both problems" going on. When I asked what he meant by that, he pointed out that I'm both physically AND mentally ill. So yay, I'm a great specimen for someone's final exam. Because feeling like a living test subject is *sooo* much fun!
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