Breathless

I'm so out of breath all the time, ugh. Doing the smallest activities requires soooo much energy. I remember this from the last time I had cancer, but yeah. I'm so drained. Taking a shower requires a lot of rest afterward, for example. I can barely help Mike with the dishes, and I can't really prepare any meals.

Anyway! I'm just waiting for my sleeping pills to kick in as I gotta be up in a few hours to return to the hospital for my weekly blood test and meeting with my oncologist. I get my latest bone marrow test results, too. 

I'm so grateful to be at home (and that is an understatement) but I've definitely been going a little stir-crazy (and that is also an understatement!). I really want to go out but I'm not allowed to go to crowded places. I could technically go for a walk but it's not the best weather for me to go outside, as it's been cold and icy and I could risk falling, and considering how I wiped I get just from taking things out of the fridge or putting things away, just walking down the street would be incredibly exhausting (especially if there's ice I need to manage). Speaking of which! Our superintendent is useless and didn't get rid of the ice leading from our door to the street, and it was this whoooole big thing and Mike had to be late from work to help me get from our door to the Uber....anyway, it's a long story I don't feel like typing out, but the long and short of it is, we both had to bug the super non-stop (after repeatedly reminding him of my leukemia and how if I fall on the ice I'm screwed due to my low blood counts) and finally he got someone to remove the ice. I guess he knows it's the tenants' right that there needs to be safe and secure paths to and from our own doors. Dayyyyyuuum.

Anyway, yeah. Wish I could go out. I'll be able to eventually, once my counts go up. But for now, it's just a lot of Netflix and video games and books. Which are all things I love anyway, but it's hard when a) I'm constantly anxious about the cancer, and b) I know I don't have the option of going out, and when I can't break those things up with going for walks or running errands or anything like that. And I really miss working! I'd love to go back to work soon. But I don't think that's going to happen for awhile. Which is scary, both in terms of boredom and lack of income. But I'll figure something out somehow.

I'm getting out of breath just typing this all out! hahaha. Damn red blood cells, you ain't playin'.