Going through all this cancer shit without my mom is the worst, the absolute worst. I can't imagine how different it would be if she were here. It was so different the first time I had cancer, with her around to talk to, because there's no one I can talk to the way I can talk to her. And I get really offended when people tell me I can talk to them instead. Who do they think they are? I know they're just trying to help, but it's aggravating, because surely they know how their offer makes no sense.
I miss her so much it's suffocating. It doesn't hurt to think of childhood memories, because that's already a million billion years ago...I mean, I mourned being a kid when I was a teenager, lol. But what gets to me (at least right now) are memories from my teenage years. It's hard to describe why.
Ugh.
I have to be up for a blood test in less than 6 hours. Double ugh.
And then Wednesday is a whole day of tests--dental appointment, CT scan, pulmonary test, another blood test, bone marrow test, and biopsy.
Triple-quadruple UGH.
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