Sunday 31 May 2020

Messing with routine

I'm such a ball of anxiety right now. The reason being: specific uncertainty. My lovely neighbours on BOTH sides of me (to the side & upstairs) are moving out for the summer, and both of them have other people subletting.

I don't know these people. I don't know what kind of noise they'll make or if they'll have possibly covid-y friends over or what. I'm thrown out of my routine, and routine is pretty much all I have at a time like this to cling to. It's making my anxiety go from an 8/10 to a 10/10. Not to mention the noise right now as my upstairs neighbour prepares to move out. So much loud noise. I'm on edge, every molecule of my body, every square inch of skin, every hair, is standing on end.

You know this feeling, right? This feeling of your routine being fucked with, especially during a time of high anxiety?
You know this feeling of every little piece of your body quivering with nauseating discomfort?

I've made a little bit of progress with OCD; I don't want to regress now. A few steps forward....let's not step back. Not yet.
I know treatment (or heck, any kind of progress) isn't a straight line, but c'mon, brain, give me a break!

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