Transplants and chemo and all that stuff

I saw my doctor today, and he was more optimistic than usual. Meaning he didn't just sit there and spit out percentages and possibilities, so that was nice. And he seemed more upbeat than he usually does. Yay. Anyway, I found out a bunch of stuff:

-I'm still neutropenic. STILL. Even though I finished my last bout of chemo three weeks ago. As it turns out, though, this is normal; each time I get chemo, the longer the neutropenic period is, as my body gets "more & more beat-up". So, house arrest continues (sigh), BUT my counts are coming back up. I'm not yet quite sure what this means for all the partying I had planned for this weekend. GET ME OUT OF THIS APARTMENT GODSDAMMIT. -__- Cabin fever is eating me from the inside!

-Now, this is pretty interesting. A potential donor for me was found!.... but only matched me at 8/10. (The lowest a match should be is 9/10.) According to my doctor, given that a transplant won't increase my chances of survival by THAT much, added to the risk of a 8/10 match plus the fact that transplants are risky in general, he decided that it's a no-go and opted for more chemo instead; one round the second week of July, and one more in August, then they stop.
 
-He said they would continue to search for a donor, but if 3-4 years go by and I don't relapse, they would stop looking, as generally no relapse in 3-4 years means a relapse isn't likely to happen again!

-Overall, my doc says he's pleased with the way things are going and that I react to chemo well. When I pointed my horror to nearly ending up in the ICU last time and how going into septic shock was the most horrible experience of my life, he said, "well, these are risks of chemotherapy." NOT rudely, NOT condescendingly, not dissmissive...just matter-of-factly. I'm still scared to death of chemo, but he made me feel better somehow. Sorta. It just...it feels good to know that, as scary and potentially deadly as it was, it was a on par with how chemo can be. It'd be a lot worse if the doctors freaked out and said "This NEVER happens!" and/or had to stop the chemo because of it, or something.

Like I said earlier, it was nice to see my doctor being optimistic. The best part is, he talked about me being alive in 3-4 years as some kind of real possibility instead of some kind of unattainable goal. It's a nice change.