Festival season has started here in Montreal, and festival season is one of the reasons I chose to move downtown--so I could be in walking distance to all the festivals. This year living so close to them is proving to be a curse rather than a blessing as I'm stuck at home, neutropenic, while it feels like everyone in the world is at the Fringe Fest and/or the St-Laurent street fair. I hate it. I should be grateful to be alive after that fucking septic shock stint in the hospital, but I'm just feeling bitter and crabby that I can't be outside and join everyone in the festivities.
Of course, the weather has to be perfect, too. Or so I hear it is. I refuse to go outside; like last month, I could always go hang out on the balcony, but then I just see everyone having fun, and I can hear festivities from my apartment, so it's like a slap in the face. In fact, even though it's not hot out, I have the A/C going full blast, so the white noise blocks out the sound of everyone outside having fun. I know I sound all emo 'n shit but I really feel lonely and miserable. I'm worried about posting too much about it to Facebook as I don't wanna be a downer to my friends who I genuinely hope are having a good time, but I'm feeling really down so I gotta vent somewhere, and since it's cancer-related I guess my cancer blog is a good place as any. :P
Also, I'm really sick and tired of washing my hands. I feel like my skin is going to rip off! Argh!
I can't wait until it's late enough to take sleeping pills, just so I can get high. How sad is that?
"The two basic items necessary to sustain life are sunshine and coconut milk."
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Wicked Ranma
I had to unpublish my last post because it wouldn't format itself properly. Weird. Anyway, just came here to say I'm loving the Ra...
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I have a headache from not sleeping well, as usual. I often sleep 8-9 hours a night, but it's not good sleep. Either I have nightmares (...
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I got a new mouth ulcer last week and FUCK does it hurt. Today the pain was just unbearable but as I'm neutropenic, the nurses can't...
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After all these years, I still think EVERY DAY about what a luxury it is to walk around my own home in bare feet and feel the wooden floor b...
I can't remember if I met you when you were a Fringe volunteer, I can't connect a face to your blog.
ReplyDeleteBut on my invisible page (ie virtually nobody reads it), I did put up a bit about how a volunteer is suffering from cancer. So if you can't come to the Fringe, the second longest running volunteer (I moved Beer Bottles in 1996, put away the Fringe every year since 1997, and made the cookies, even if I just walked out of putting up the Beer Tent on Tuesday, way too undervalued) is thinking of you, simply because you volunteered in the past. That's so you get better.
http://shell.pubnix.net/~mblack/cancer.html
A volunteer we hadn't seen in some years appeared working at the Box Office a couple of years ago "I've moved to Vancouver, I'm going back tomorrow", and I wrote about it, saying it was her rightful place to do that for a few hours. So in some ways, you never stop being a Fringe volunteer, and keep that in mind this week.
Michael, aka The Cookie Master
This is such a sweet, sweet thing to take the time to write; both this comment and what you've written on your blog. I don't know what to say! You are a very thoughtful person. Thank you so much for your kindness.
DeleteCheers to you!!!
:)