After being juggled around for awhile between doctors (and yet ANOTHER bone marrow test; my back is just a series of holes at this point), the final decision is noooo, I'm not in remission, I have to be RE-admitted to the hospital for another 4-6 weeks (sometime in the next few days), we're starting over again with induction therapy (called re-induction), and this time they're giving me THREE types of chemo at once, which I've been ensured is a lot more toxic (apparently a good thing--haha gotta kill them cancer cells), but they wouldn't give it to me if they didn't think I couldn't handle it and they're still acting optimistic, so okay.
I passed the cardiac tests, so yay (you need to pass those in order to get chemo, ugh).
At this point I just want to get it over with. We're kinda running out of options with high success rates if this one doesn't work out, so it's not so much that I'm scared right now as much as that my brain has completely went the "well, fuck all of this" route and is in some kind of weird-denial...not complete denial as here I am writing it all out, but it's definitely reached some weird manic area where I've escaped into this happy universe of James Bond and watch another Bond movie every night, and those movies feel more real to me than whatever is happening to me in my bone marrow, and you know what, if reality is how you perceive the world, then fuck it, my world is M16 agents and Her Majesty's Secret Service and the only thing I really gotta worry about is crazy cartoonish villains who want to take over the world.
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