One of the only pluses (if you can even call it that) of being sick is free, legal, safe drugs. Dilaudid is an interesting painkiller I've been given a few times since I've been in the hospital. In pill form it does absolutely nothing for me (seriously, it's like taking children's regular-strength tylenol or something), but injected? Hooo boy, it's a helluva drug!
Right now I'm in the process of receiving a blood transfusion, which is often preceded by an IV drip of Benadryl. Benadryl is a nice, cozy high, and seeing as it's St Patrick's Day today and I'm stuck in here rather than partying on the streets getting drunk with my friends, it's nice to at least be buzzed. :P However, the problem with Benadryl is that once the high wears off, the jittery, antsy, restless legs 'kick' in (sorry for the pun, but it's too accurate!). And right now I'm at that stage. YUCK.
On the....strange and/or positive side of things (not sure which adjective to use here), I'm feeling unusually brave and indestructible today. To the point that I finally googled two Japanese performers whose work I really enjoy....who I know both died after being diagnosed with leukemia, both around my age. When I was diagnosed, I thought of the two of them immediately. I wanted to google them to read the details of their deaths; how did they die exactly--was it the leukemia itself or complications thereof? How long after their diagnosis did they die? What kind of leukemia did they have? But I was much too terrified to look up the info, as one thing I clearly remembered about both of them was that they didn't live all that long after their diagnosis. :(
One of the performers in question is Shiho Niiyama. She played Seiya, Sailor Starfighter in the Sailor Stars season of Sailor Moon. I clearly remember when she died, in February of 2000; I was so shocked and so sad as Sailor Moon is one of my absolute favourite TV series of all time, and she was only 30 when she died. She had a TON of other notable anime roles, but nothing tops Sailor Moon for me. Well, I looked her up today and she was diagnosed with leukemia (not sure what kind) in 1998, and died in 2000 from complications from pneumonia.
The other performer is Minako Honda, an 80s pop star who turned into a very successful Japanese Broadway actress. She was diagnosed with acute myelogenous leukemia (so, NOT the same kind as mine) in January of 2005 after feeling short of breath (well well) at a concert. She kept getting treatment and kept having relapses and died seven months later. She was only 38.
Anyway, I read this info today with no fear or feeling of doom at all. I refuse to have the same fate as them, I simply refuse to. I feel stubbornly confident and big-headed over this. At least today I do. I guess that feeling can change from day to day, as my emotions in general do. The doctors warned me from the beginning it would be like this. A rollercoaster of emotions or whatever. Well, it makes sense.
Anyway, I wish I could have green beer. At least I'm wearing green socks today!
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