I feel the stupid sleeping pill kicking in...it's time to shut off the laptop and hope this damn thing works. I hate sleeping pills, but I hate nights even more. Nights are the worst. During the day, I'm pretty good at keeping myself distracted, but at night all there is to do is lie in bed in think. And all I can think about is dying and what if I *do* end up dying soon, what if I *don't* make it, what if I get a call for a transplant in a few weeks and my body rejects it or it rejects my body or any of the other 398 potentially-lethal things my doc's boss listed happens and I end up being dead two months from now. It's not an impossibility, and that's FUCKED-UP.
My heart hammers against my chest about 5999 times per minute at this point and I can't sleep cuz I'm paralyzed with fear and horror and yeeeeeah, this is why I take sleeping pills.
FUCK being alone with your thoughts; maybe it's one of those things that can kill you in the end.
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